Questioning Mortality
by CrimStudent47
Summary: Time goes on and life does not return to how it used to be, change the attitude and you change your soul. She lost her husband and became a killer.
1. Chapter 1

**_Hello all, I am trying something different, I am not sure if it is good as I am just getting back into writing again. I am looking for a beta that would be willing help me with ideas, my grammar and much more! Sorry about any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes! I have no beta! Hope you all enjoy_**

**_**_This is very AU as I started writing it before Emily left. _**_**

**_**_I do not own anything besides Daniel. _**_**

_"__Death occurs in unexpected times." _

_― __Lailah Gifty Akita_

Today was suppose to be another ordinary day but when has anything ever been ordinary my life. Today could be considered one of the worst days of my life. The police came to my door, just as I do when I tell someone that their loved one has been killed.

I open the door and hope to god that what they are going to tell me will not come out of their mouth. That my beloved husband was shot and killed in the line of duty. As a police officer, everyone knows that there are risks that you may never come home again because somebody else was having a horrible day.

I look into their eyes and they start the exact same way that I would to notify someone that their loved one has died.

"Hello, Ms Jareau, may we come in, we have something important to tell you."

"sure, you can come in."

"Miss, this would be better if you sat down." The female officer says politely

"Please, don't make me do that, I have told many families about their loved ones, just tell me the news."

"We are sorry but your husband was shot in the line of duty, he died a hero protecting the others around him." The female officer says sadly

"Did he go quickly?" I whisper

"Yes, he did, we are very sorry for your loss. Is there anyone that we can call." The male officer says

"No, that's alright I think… think that I should be fine." I try to think what I could say but nobody comes to mind.

The two officers leave and I look at the wall and think what am I suppose to tell my two kids.

Why Will, why did you leave me. I love you our kids love you. You promised Henry and Daniel that you would take them camping this weekend. What am I suppose to tell the boys?

Oh, my poor boys why do they have to grow up without a father around them. They will only have memories of what you used to be. I will always tell them that you were a hero.

I walk upstairs and I see Henry and Daniel both playing with their toys on the ground.

"Mommy, when is daddy coming home?" Daniel asks as any child would.

Henry looks up at me with his hopeful eyes and waits for the response that they both want to hear.

I know I do not have the response that they are both looking for. I sit down on the ground with them, I put Daniel on my lap, and I pull Henry over closer to me so I can wrap an arm around him.

I look at them both and take a deep breath and say, "Boys, daddy was in an accident at his work. Daddy isn't coming home; he went up to see the angels just like Jack's mommy."

Daniel looks at me and says "But that means we can never see him again."

"I know baby, I really do, but you got to remember that daddy loves you and he will always be looking down at you." I hug them tighter so that they know that they are loved.

I let the boys go back to playing though they really want to follow me and make sure that nothing more will change.

I grab out my phone and I dial Emily's number.

"Hey, Emily, I just really need to talk to you right now."

"Ya, sure thing Jayje, I will be over really soon."

As I waited for Emily, I contemplated on how I was going to get through my life.

Finally, Emily came and I answered the door and looked ather and she knew instantly that something was wrong.

"Jayje, what is wrong what happened, where is Will?

I look at her and say those three dreaded words "He is dead"

"Oh my god, how did he die? Where are the boys?" Emily looks completely devastated

"They are upstairs playingin their room; they both know that Will is gone." I completly ignored telling her how Will died, I could not comprehend it myself

"I am going to go call some people okay, I will be right back."

Emily gets up and goes to phone the team.

As she dials the numbers quickly, I wonder what my life is going to bring me. I have two beautiful boys without a father.

How am I supposed to go on?

_"An insincere friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind." _  
><em>-Buddha<em>

**_This is just the background information of where the story is going to go... It changes and gets darker pretty fast! JJ losing Will is going to change her. Thanks again! _**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to the people who reviewed and who read the last chapter! Hope you enjoy this one. **

**I do first person point of view it makes the story different! I still have no beta, so all mistakes are my own! **

**I do not own anything!**

My life has drastically changed since Will was killed. I have changed, some would say for the worse, I would say my eyes have been opened up and I realize now what I am good at. I threw myself into my home life or so I made everyone thing that. Hotch gave me three months off to feel better, to grieve and to help the boys grieve and remember their father. Every day I would spend time with them and I would play with them, enjoy their laugh make new memories. I am doing my best to cover up all the pain I feel, I am trying to parent my kids without Will and cope without him, learn a new way of life. So much pain and heartache in my life, how someone cannot break, how can someone not want to go out and kill or be killed.

Psychologically speaking, I know I should go and get help, but I have given up on the real world, after seeing and doing so many horrible things and even great things I just feel that it is my time to be the killer.

I decided after Will's funeral to try the killing game. The one where nobody but me survives, I knew I could never kill anyone around me that I considered "family". After seeing all these murderers running around and killing and seemingly so happy, why not join in on the fun and see what all the fuss is about.

I went for a car ride, just to clear my head, thinking of how to start this killing game, how can I do it without be detected, how can I kill someone with the job I do. I see the victims I see the families, but in my mind at this point I just do not care. I see this man just walking, and I feel maybe is the time to start, I have to start somewhere why not start with him.

This poor sweet man he was out for a walk just a simple walk before I blitz attacked him with a hammer right on the temple of his head. It felt so good so right to have that hammer smash into his temple. I incapacitated him because well I am not strong enough to kill him while he is conscious. He looked so much like Will. I wonder if Will felt any pain before he died. Those grey eyes looking up at me with pure shock and disbelief that he was going to be killed and to top it off he was going to be killed by a FBI agent that was a women though he had no idea I was FBI. He was probably thinking that he could not die he had so much to live for, or maybe he wanted to die, that is why he did not struggle, that the end was near and he found comfort in that fact. When I looked into his eyes I felt it, I felt what every other killer feels, freedom.

He did not go quickly, stabbing someone five times is better in your imagination than in reality. There is blood everywhere. Next time I have to do a bit of research on where to stab to kill not stab to harm. I know next time I am not going to be killing the same way or even in the same town. To change my Modus Operandi will lengthen my time that I am able to kill, it will make it harder for police to connect as well as changing my location will give me a larger geographical area that anyone will have to profile. Working with profilers has really made this killing a lot easier.

I smiled at him and dragged him into my car, I took my time, I was careful. I want to spend time with my victims and I want to have time to kill, I do not need any stupid mistake to get me caught. I made sure to destroy any evidence of a connection between him and me. Before I dumped him I grabbed his wallet and looked at it. Christopher Stale was the first thing I saw and after flipping through his wallet he had no family pictures, no real information about him. Maybe nobody will miss him. He looks like someone that would fall through the cracks, someone who even as a child just barely passed by in life.

I left him on highway 66 near Falls Church.

I killed him the day after my husband's funeral.

_"__It's harder to heal than it is to kill."  
><em>_― __Tamora Pierce_

**Please review if you want! Have a good day! **


	3. Chapter 3

******_Sorry for the delay, life caught up to me! Hope you enjoy, soon the team will find out about what she has been doing! Also sorry for the shortness of the chapter, but I felt like ending it there. _**

**_I do not own anything!_**

A month later on the exact same day, I went out and found my next victim. She was a pretty woman in her early twenties; she never knew that she never would have the chance of living a full life. I found her walking out of a club by herself she was drunk. Easy to talk to, easy to coerce. I took my chances and went to her and grabbed her, she was easier than the man that I killed first. I decided this time to put a plastic bag over her head to kill her.

I watched as she tried to grasp for air but she could not. I loved the way her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she did not move anymore. It took a long time for her to die. However, it was shorter than the man that I stabbed. I left her on highway 95 near Aberdeen.

Another month went by and I found my next victim this time it was an older man probably in his late sixties. I wanted to choke him to death with a rope. I just all of the sudden had an urge to kill him. I went after him and within the first ten minutes of talking to him, he was dead. I left him on highway 83 near Dallastown.

Through all of these months, I have returned to work, to stop the "monsters" that are doing the exact same thing that I am doing. It surprises me that I am not changed by going back to work, that maybe I would start to feel remorse. Nobody knows the dark side that has become me. They think that everything is okay and that everything is normal with me. Boy are they wrong.

I have started to wonder how long it will take anyone to realize that there I am killing people. I wonder when the case will come across my desk. Would I take it or would I just pass it on. I do not know the answer to that but in time I will tell.

As another month comes, I kill another person, this time I go for a women she is in her late forties. She has two kids and a loving husband I presume. I never want to know much about my victims as I only do the killings for the thrill of feeling alive and being free for the first time in my life. I guess that ever since my sister committed suicide I just did not know how to feel. This woman was easy to kill. All I did was grab a bat and hit her over the head a few times and she died from blunt force trauma to the head. I left this women on highway 97 near Parole.

Four victims were dead four months after I had buried my husband. Life is just unfair. I laughed. I knew that I was getting sicker and sicker with each kill. I knew that I was never going to stop unless someone stopped me. That could take a while. My strategy seems to be working, as nobody is connecting the dots, all my victims were found within a week of the killing.

**Review if you wish!**


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